Donkeytale's best friend, Munchak the Lawn King, makes no bones about his right wing politics. His bookshelf carries classic titles by the likes of Bennett, Coulter, and Neil Young.
In other words, this guy's bona fides are certifiable, if you know what I mean.
He has the obligatory 3x 5 black and white postcard of a smiling Geo Jr and Laura (about Laura--yes or no?)affixed to the fridge door, just like every other sun belt region insurance man who coughed up $250 to become a Bushman, or whatever the fuck they call them.
He has a giant poster of Mussolini on the ceiling over his bed. You know the one: hands on hips, jaw jutting like a defiant three year old. The picture must have been taken before the real world caught up to the il duce act.
Unfortunately for Munchak, his own experiences in reality have closely resembled those of his hero Mussolini. His life has been like the Italian Army on the march: one step forward, two miles back.
Its gotten so bad for Munchak the Lawn King that he has had to supplement his regular insurance income by starting a gardening and landscaping business.
Curiously, this business has taken off like gangbusters. After struggling for years to achieve middle class respectability (like Donkeytale, Munchak the Lawn King comes from humble, blue collar midwestern roots. Unlike Donkeytale, however, Munchak the Lawn King actually grew up in the Midwest, whereas Donkeytale fried his mind growing up in the cesspool of Southern California) as an insurance agent for a number of large, A+ rated companies like Cosmodemonic Life, Munchak the Lawn King decided to help his only son get started in the gardening business.
One day, while watching ESPN I had an idea. I called Munchak the Lawn King.
"Its Munchak the Sex King to you..." he started before I quickly cut him off.
"Tell me about it later, Listen! You need to advertise on cable. You can buy the time cheaply enough and target just the areas you want to expose yourself too."
"I exposed what I wanted too last night..."
"Shut the fuck up loser! Listen to me..."
Somehow, Munchak the Lawn King DID listen enough so that soon he became a staple on cable TV in certain precincts of North Dallas.
Today he has called me over to thank me for my marketing advice. His business has quadrupled in less than three months. He now runs two full crews of Mexicans, one supervised by his son, the other by a skinny long haired doper named Dwain.
"I can't believe it DT. You are a genius."
{Note: it always amuses Donkeytale when people belatedly recognize his prescience in (nearly) all matters. The list of people his advice has propelled to riches is longer than Zig Ziglar's. These people always seek the sageness of Donkeytale now. The others are still putting him down. Oh well, one day at a time, sweet Jesus....}
When I see it, the epiphany strikes me on the head like a bong overload.
There on the fridge door, where the 3x5 Bush and his sexy wife BxW photo once proudly hang, is an 8x10 glossy color picture of a smiling middleaged woman in a business suit.....HILLARY??!!!???