WARNING--this is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real persons, either living or dead is purely coincidental, but meant with the purest of malevolent intentions.
OPEN THREAD--YOUR VIRTUAL WATER COOLER HAS BEEN SPIKED WITH GOOD PSYCHEDELICS
"TWO WEEKS AGO (none/0)
in another one of my brilliant and thought provoking diaries that was read by less than 15 people, I exhorted God to render deceased the good denizens of Hollywood through another one of His thought provoking and brilliant natural disaster.
And while I must confess I have not been entirely pleased with His swift response to my request, at least I have been encouraged that He heard me enough to issue a wake up call to all of you Hollywood maggots out there- and you know who you are--to either start making more artistic and compelling movies or move your asses to Cucamonga because very soon Venice Beach will be moving to the Inland Empire, and you can damn well set your calendars to the exact day when He will unleash his savage fury on all people and things Show Business---that will be on the very day when "Passion of the Christ II- After the Loving" is issued in citywide release, starring Paris Hilton as Mary Magdelene and Madonna as, well, the Madonna....
THIS IS the word of the Lord."
---Donkeybutt
"YOU CANT FOOL ME YOU DEVIL (12,710,334/4.00)
You arent really God."
---mary queen of scotch o'connor
"HELL, NO (none/0)
I am not God, but I play him on the internets..."
---Donkeybutt
"THEN ARE YOU (13,453,714/4.00)
Jameson, er I mean, James Joyce?"
---mary queen of scotch o'connor
"OF COURSE NOT (none/0)
You know that I am not even Dr. Joyce Brothers. You know that because you are the only person who ever reads my diaries and comments on them regularly. In fact, I've noticed that you read and comment upon every single diary that gets posted on the Daily Flos. Why do you do it?"
---Donkeybutt
"I'M ALWAYS SEARCHING THE THREADS (15,239,008/4.00)
for a doctor who will write me a script for dilaudid or demerol. Jesus, I wish I could convince Flos to make all the MDs add "MD" after their names. Make my life as a desperate junkie trying to score a fuckova lot easier. Say, you aren't a physician are you?"
---mary queen of scotch o'connor
"SORRY (none/0)
I am not a doctor, I am not James Joyce and I am not God. I am just a plain old Asses rear.
But I will tell that God is everywhere...in fact he is a regular poster on DFLOS...goes by the name of 'DeityFromCt.'"
---Donkeybutt
"THATS RIGHT, MY CHILD (none/0)
I am Yahwe--I mean DeityFromCt. Why just yesterday I was sitting around having a few cold ones and shooting the breeze with Allah, you know just having some 'guy talk.'
I was really giving him the needle about how much his son, Osama Been Laiden resembles my only begotten Son, what with the long beard, the skinny frame, the haunted eyes and the flowing robes.
I was only joking about the lawsuit for copyright infringement, but Allah just cant take a joke. He's so fucking serious all the time, you know what I mean? Just like all you pathetic PC losers here at Daily Flos"
---DietyFromCt
"HEY WAIT A MINUTE (3/3.33)
Yahweh and Allah are really just different names for the same Deity."
---Tomateo
"LISTEN PAL (none/0)
If I can invest a two bit TV actress like Sally Fields with 19 different personalities, not to mention two Best Actress Oscars, surely I can give myself a few multiple personalities of my own, cant I?
Besides, there is simply no one in Heaven or on Earth (and especially on DFLOS) who I consider to be even remotely my intellectual equal.
I had to duplicate myself just to find a beer buddy to occasionally shoot the shit with..."
---DietyFromCt
"WHAT HAVE YOU AGAINST SALLY FIELDS? 934,812,908/4.00)
N/T"
---mary queen of scotch o'connor
"NOTHING (none/0)
But you would think one of those putzes who run Hollywood would have figured something supernatural was up when fucking 'Gidget the Flying Nun' won her 2nd Best Actress Award, wouldnt you?
You think they might look up my way for once, right? No chance! All they pay attention to is the next male starlet they can bag and what their grosses are for the latest condescending garbage they put out...what a bunch of crude, gutter religionists...those Hollywood studio heads.
Because of their shameful behavior, I have decided never to allow another Jew into Heaven, ever!"
---DeityFromCt
"BUT WHAT ABOUT (6/4.00)
the Day of Atonement that you promised your chosen people?"
---Tomateo
"LETS JUST SAY (none/0)
I wouldnt hold my breath until hell freezes over, Jew boy."
---DeityFromCt
"WHAT AN OFFENSIVE (19,878/4.00)
silly, stupid, evil, moronic thing to say.
By the way, I am no longer appearing on the Daily Flos."
---Sig Heil
"THEN WHY DO I KEEP (none/0)
seeing your diaries pop up on the recommended list two or three times a week?"
---Donkeybutt
"WHAT AN OFFENSIVE (19,878/4.00)
silly, stupid, evil, moronic thing to say.
If you are reading my posts its only because I have transported you to another Blogosphere in a Galaxy that existed long ago and far way, where I, Sig Heil am Lord, Master and absolute Ruler and you Donkeybutt are nothing but an offensive, silly, stupid, evil moron who must OBEY ALL MY RULES OF BLOGGING OR YOU WILL DIE, SUCKER."
---Sig Heil
"JEEESUSSS HHHHH KEEEERIST (6,546,807,001/4.00)
do I need a cigarette!!!!"
---mary queen of scotch o'connor
"C'MON MARY (none/0)
You know its a sin to tell a lie, especially right in the face of Yahwe--I mean, DeityFromCt...I know damn well that you keep a carton of Marlboro red box under the seat of that old BMW Alpine Nicholson bought you for script doctoring his dialogue in "The Last Detail."
And I also am fully aware that you spend all your spare time, when you are not begging for dope cruising PCH with the top down, chain smoking like Rod Sterling on one of his famous diet coke binges."
---DietyFromCt
"BULLFUCKINGSHIT (789,987,789,987,789,001/4.00)
you know good and goddamn well that just the other day you dropped a 25 ton boulder on my Alpine while I was waiting for the light to change at PCH and Topanga Canyon. Totalled my beloved Beemer and I barely got out alive. Crushed my carton of smokes too, you sonofabitch!"
---mary queen of scotch o'connor
"WATCH YOUR MOUTH MARY (none/0)
or you will not be resurrected on the day of atonement."
---DietyFromCt
"BUT I AM CATHOLIC NOT JEWISH, A-HOLE! (12,365,004,343/4.00)
N/T"
---mary queen of scotch o'connor
"JEWISH, CATHOLIC (none/0)
What the fucks the difference to me. Besides I am running for political office, so I need to distance myself from you people forever, especially you Daily Flossacks. You all wear the stench of a loser like a cheap whore wearing Liz Taylor's White Diamonds."
---DietyFromCt
"BUT YOU CREATED US! (23,276,029/2.00)
You cant abandon us like that."
---Tomateo
"HEY!WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND (none/0)
Bozo. I am distancing myself on the advice of my new campaign consultant, Bob 'Shrooms. He's got quite a track record, that 'Shrooms, the only guy I know with almost as many losers to his credit as me!
I am locked in a very tight race with my nephew, George W. Lucifer, and you know that guy will say or do anything to get reelected. I have quite a long history with you losers and he is just taking me apart over it.
He caught me with major shit in my mouth one time and now its his favorite campaign commercial. Its my own fault,you know. I should be more careful, you know, its that whole
"I created you before I almost destroyed you" shtick...Jesus, he keeps playing it over and over...You are all like a noose around my neck, politically speaking, and Lucifer just won't let up.
In response, 'Shrooms has me keep repeating "I have a plan to save humanity", but frankly, I havent got a fucking clue..."
---DietyFromCt
"I KNOW THIS IS SHAMELESS DIARY WHORING (234,987,456,900,987/4.00)
But you all need to [click here] for this diary called "Tsunamis,Sushi, and Succor", its a fabulous diary by 'Grand Mall Texan'and it elucidates every inkling of contempt any Flossacks have ever head about any Rethug ever. Its a meta rant to end all meta rants and completely takes the sting out of being occupied by Republican Fascists.
I am recommending to Flos that we devote the entire main page to this diary for eternity.
A few quibbles: its longer than Bill Clinton's dick and it has fewer distinguishing characteristics. Plus it is as incoherent as Clinton after he's lit into most of a quart of Jack, but at least it isnt bullshit, pure bullshit like Donkeybutt's bullshit, pure bullshit."
---Clawedballs
"HEY! WHERE"D EVERYBODY GO???? (none/0)
---Donkeybutt
(TO BE CONTINUED)
(IF FLOS DOESNT BAN DONKEYBUTT ONCE AND FOR ALL)